OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
