I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
