marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
