He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
