Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
