It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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