have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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