I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
