Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
