Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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