He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
