this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
