yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
