She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
