I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
