I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize