i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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