My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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