I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
