She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
