i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
