I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize