Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
