the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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