I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Screwed.edu
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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