ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't turn off my feet"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
