Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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