Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize