"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
