I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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