We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
