We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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