you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
