Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
