OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
honey bunches of taint.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize