Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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