We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
