Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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