If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
