the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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