He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
