i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
