honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize