think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
