She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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