theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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