She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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