Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
