This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
