Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
