Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When did angry sex become our thing?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
