i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
