she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
