You just made me feel so damn special
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
