When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
