some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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