I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had sex on a roof
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
