you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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