You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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