He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
