The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my liver is dry heaving
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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