At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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