Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
