Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize