the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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