Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
