I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize