So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
