you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
