Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
