i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
