Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
