**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize