So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
