Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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