I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
