ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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