Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sext me about skeletons
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
