How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize